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DISAPPOINTMENT

One of the worst emotions that a person can suffer is that of disappointment. Disappointment occurs when expected standards and/or achievements are not realized. It is the feeling that one has when one realizes what could have been and for some reason is not. “Could have” is a powerful force of depression in the world. Lost opportunities continue to haunt us long after the situation has completely changed. And the great danger is that one will continue to brood over the inevitable disappointments of life and thus be unable to deal with the realities of life and move on to other accomplishments.

The strongest criticism that one can receive in life is the expression of disappointment in one’s self by those who are close to us and truly considered to be interested in our welfare. A review of the words of the great prophets of Israel will reveal to us their underlying sense of disappointment in the behavior of Israel. It is not anger or even frustration that fuels the words of Yeshayahu and Yirmiyahu as much as it is the deep disappointment in the behavior of those who know better or certainly should know better.

The Torah sets standards for Jewish behavior. Not living up to those standards automatically calls forth a sense of disappointment. It is the story of the brilliant child that remains an under achiever. The parent is not really angry; it is heartbroken by disappointment. Knowing what could be in comparison to what actually is the source of this disappointment.

There is a great sense of disappointment present in the Jewish world today. Nothing has really lived up to our hopes and expectations. Therefore the feeling of apathy that overwhelms us is omnipresent. We are victim to our own unreasonable expectations. We believed Zionism’s early promise that a Jewish state would alleviate the problem of anti-Semitism in the world. Instead it has really, in a great sense, exacerbated the problem.

The great promises of the past century of Marxism that so many Jews adopted whole have bankrupted and proven to be false. The unending enmity of the Arabs to the very existence of the State of Israel has not waned over the past sixty years. All of the agreements, concessions, withdrawals and compromises have not changed this situation one whit. Therefore we are left with an overwhelming sense of disappointment because what we hoped for and expected has eluded us and the reality of this has just begun to sink in to our national consciousness.

Great but unrealistic expectations often are the cause of great disappointments. And we are the victim of those unrealistic expectations of ours. The internal unity of Israel itself is very fragile. The secular-religious divide has increased over the past decades. The Messianic Era has not yet arrived. So there is a great deal of room in our lives for disappointment. But it would be a great mistake of ours to give in to this mood of disappointment. For if we did so, that would truly be disappointing.

We should lower our expectations and deal more realistically with our problems. To admit past errors will ease our sense of disappointment. The concept of teshuva, repentance, in Jewish life brings one to a sense of serenity and even happiness and not to depression and disappointment. Being quite aware of what is wrong in our society and policies, we should attempt to have them altered. Resilience is the only answer to disappointment. The wisdom of King Solomon in Mishlei teaches us that “the righteous fall seven times but always rise again.” The righteous do not allow themselves to fall into the trap of depression because of disappointments in national and personal life.

Though this certainly is easier said than done, the entire history of the Jewish people is a story of such resilience and optimism, of raising one’s self from the depths of disappointment and continuing onwards in a positive sense. The rabbis in their wisdom limited the time of personal mourning. The clear message is that the time of disappointment should also be limited.

In Hebrew there is a statement: “zeh mah sheyesh” – this is what the situation is, what we have to work with. Reality and not wishful idealism prevents later disappointment. Our disappointment with our political leaders is not only because they accomplish so little. It is that they have promised too much. Our hopes for the new year are great and justified. But they must also be realistic and possible to fulfill.

Shabat shalom.

Berel Wein