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A FRIENDLY RESPONSE
One of the banes of urban living is the insularity and surliness that it breeds among humans. In small towns, people usually say "good morning," "thank you" and "excuse me" to one another on a constant and regular basis. My experience when living in large cities, both here in Israel and in the United States, is that such pleasantries are often omitted and even when offered remain unanswered. I have often seen the look of incredulity on the face of a stranger when I had the temerity to say "Shabat shalom" to him while walking on the street on Shabat. Instead of receiving an answer in kind, I usually am given a stony-faced silent treatment or a look of disgust, which translates to "What is your problem, anyway?" I am especially perturbed and disappointed when the person that I am addressing is an observant Jew and is thus allegedly aware of Jewish behavior and values. The insensitivity to others in not responding to a friendly greeting is completely not in keeping with Jewish tradition and life-style. It is a very pernicious and bad character trait. Our schools should emphasize its crudeness and stress its unacceptability in a truly Jewish society. By graciously responding to a greeting from a stranger one softens one's own inner characteristics and helps create a much more civil and decent community. It is always the small things in life that color human society and to a great extent influence our daily lives. Responding properly and graciously to the greetings of others is one of those small but defining positive societal norms.
The Talmud tells us that the great Rabbi Yochanan, the head of the yeshiva in third-century Tiberias and the founding editor of the Talmud Yerushalmi, always greeted every person he met on the street, Jew and non-Jew alike. The Talmud compliments some of its greatest sages, not by emphasizing their great knowledge and erudition, but by stating that their merit lay in that they made sure to be the first to greet passerbys immediately. The rabbis saw in that behavior not only respect for other human beings but also respect for the Creator that has fashioned all human beings. Jews were always sensitive to the concept expressed in the Bible that humans are created "b'tzelem elokim" - in the image of God, so to speak. By respecting the created, we thereby express our respect and reverence for the Creator as well. By demeaning other human beings, we therefore commit the severe sin of demeaning the Creator as well. And I feel that this is exactly the case when one does not respond graciously to a greeting that is offered to that person. There is nothing as insulting as ignoring someone who has spoken to you. The insult may be unintentional, but that in no way justifies it or minimizes the hurt felt by the person being so ignored. It is boorish behavior to act that way and the rabbis in Avot stated succinctly that "a boor is not a person who truly fears sin." Judaism stresses that "its paths are ways of pleasantness." This is an overriding value in Jewish life and Torah perspective.
The great medieval Jewish scholar and ethicist, Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda, in his famous work of philosophy and ethics, Chovat Halevavot - The Duties of the Heart - portrays the ideal person of piety. The first quality that he lists for such a person is that "his face and countenance towards others is joyful and friendly while his heart within him is somber and broken." Being a grouch to others is tantamount to inflicting one's personal problems and disappointments upon others. That is really unfair and wrongful behavior. Now it is undoubtedly difficult to maintain a cheerful outward appearance and a friendly demeanor when sad things are happening all around us. But the difficulty of the task in no way diminishes the essential value of attempting to do so. Judaism views a positive response to the greetings of others as not merely a formal sign of politeness, important as that alone may be. Rather it sees in this simple act a reinforcement of the Torah value of the inherent worth of every human being and it functions as a tribute to the One Who has fashioned us all. In a crowded, gruff, defensive society such as ours, an attitude of responsiveness and friendliness can ease much of our tensions and create a better environment in which all of us can function more happily and efficiently.
Berel Wein
